Funny stuff..

SoftYorubaBoy's Blog

 

 

 

 

It’s about that time when u go and serve your country, hopefully In a week or 2 u will know which of the state u are going for your NYSC orientation. I have taken the liberty to interview some of my friends to learn their camping experience; I have also scouted blogs, dairies, journals and other archives in,  a bid to get as much info as possible about the three weeks of camp.

For those of you that are scared cuz it’s the first time you are leaving your family for such a long time, don’t worry you are not alone. It is that anxiety that lead me to this research; hearing people recount their camping experience has put me a little bit at ease. According to most people it is the best 3 weeks of their lives. “u wouldn’t want to leave”. Well, i will…

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A Nigerian perspective to a biblical story.. Enjoy!

Phantom Pages

Allo!
C’est moi, Madmoiselle Phantom Pages and today, I have something different for you today!
As you’ve probably realised, I try out diffrent writing styles and genres and today, decided to try for a play!
If you see this play as crazy, then you’re most likely normal because it is crazy but hey, Ideas are ideas!
Hope you enjoy my own story about two Nigerian couples in Jerusalem!

ONCE UPON A TIME

SET: IN JERUSALEM DURING THE TIME OF JESUS

CHARACTERS:

Jesus
Mary
Joseph
The Ogbonnas:, Papa Nonso, Mama Nonso, Nonso
The Ajalas: Iya Moji, Papa Moji
Mary of Magdalene
Crowd.

____________________

ACT I

 

                                                    SCENE 1

                               (In a busy evening market place in Jerusalem, Mama Nonso is seated inside her stall, fanning herself. She occasionally calls to the crowd to purchase her goods. Iya Moji passes by)

 

MAMA NONSO

Iya Moji! well done o!…

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Hmmmmmm… You just gotta read this

Phantom Pages

Esto puede o puede no haber pasado

—————————————————————————

I’ve been asked by many if I believe the things I write; If I am really that dark and disturbed.
Yes actually, I am. I believe in everything I write. I believe in evil as much as I believe in good. Sometimes, maybe more. Some would say that’s the pessimist in me. I’ll like to believe it’s the realist in me
Is the darkness because of the absence of light or is the light an absence of darkness?
I asked myself this as I walked down the road after grocery shopping at Morrisons. My mind was occupied and that was why I didn’t notice him. It took a hand restraining my foot to break me out of my reverie. I was startled. I turned and stared angrily at the hobo holding me. Seeing that he had gotten my attention, he smiled at…

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If money was not the problem…

So this is my first public writing or blog…

Thought of going down the usual story telling path but I can’t see myself mentally narrating or describing anything that won’t seem short of a lullaby…

Thought of writing something sexual since that is an easy route to cheap and petty popularity these days… Might as well do it through a very controversial means 😉

Kinda gave up trying to blog at a time…. until this struck me while I was doing laundry…

If money wasn’t a constant determinant of the way we live; we would have a 250kva diesel generator to power all the electronics that are supposed to make life easier including that washing machine just sitting in mumsy’s bathroom gathering dust because PHCN have decided to render themselves useless.

I don’t know what to call this, a poetry, prose or a supposed trending topic or whatever, It’s random blogging I guess.

Enjoy…

*plays M.I’s money slow to enter song*
*pauses music*

Btw, I have Teflon Don and Young Money’s backing on this.. Don’t be jealous :-p haters die! And B.I.G sent his greetings ooo

*plays Lupe Fiasco’s The show goes on*

If money was not the problem, I won’t care if she chop my money.. Even if she is a certified gold-digger. Jamie, kanye, Akon, Psquare, MayD take note.

If money was not the problem, my darling Arsenal would have won the EPL and CL 7times in a row instead of having 7trophyless season, making those Agberos and Mumu UTD belittle us…and Wenger won’t be giving flimsy excuses in the name of raising young stars..8-|

If money was not the problem, you would be reading this via an iPad 8 with OS 12 or a BB10 (yes, to all you bold 5 users, in your face!).. Wait, BB Porsche is the most expensive phone? Oh Well, RIM has a big problem, new phones everyday.. Smh.. #teamAndroid, Nokia, Samsung… If you see me drive by…

If money was not the problem, I would have done a ‘king Solomon stunt’… 300 wives and 700 concubines… :O Tf!! They must have something stronger than Viagra in those days.. Besides, 1 woman is enough trouble.. Oh yeah, he had Divine Wisdom…

If money was not the problem, all these small breasted girls that are always on their periods any time you press their P would have done a @KarenIgho.. I mean, Karen doesn’t get pissed even if you make jest of her regular gbagauns 🙂

If money was not the problem, maybe, just maybe Ijebu people won’t have to be so stingy.. It’s in their blood!

If money was not the problem, we would still have Mo’hits even if the music aint Good… mAvengers still dey try sha…

If money was not the problem, Davido won’t have to tell us he z ‘omo baba olowo’ and Sam klef won’t have to make Wizkid pour money from a cornflakes pack to show that ‘mo lowo noni’.. Bill Gate doesn’t have to say M.. Before u know he is talking money…..or Microsoft. 😀

If money was not the problem, Facebook would still be just a social network, not an advertising agency or a shares seeking outfit. Btw, a share goes for about $35 at the NASDAQ stock market. Dunno if they sell at the Nigerian Stock exchange market… Good luck in asking Madam Ngozi Okonjo Iweala..

If money was not the problem, I would have done a patent of my name… TOLUWANISE B-)

If money was not the problem, you wouldn’t take life so serious.

If money was not the problem, we won’t have to go to those prisons they call schools and we won’t have to queue up at the labour market for jobs that don’t exist! You should give @iamPatogen’s RAP vs SCHOOL a listen.

If money was not the problem, you would only impress and oppress through beauty and intelligence.

If money was not the problem, Atiku would have left Nigerian politics alone… Even Abraham Lincoln and OBJ knew when their time was up.

If money was not the problem, @tweetoracle won’t take twitter P and tell us he works at an Oil Company… Probably he meant a red oil and vegetable oil factory…you never know… Or he would have had his own examination body, a very dumb and annoying one >:O

If money was not the problem, wonder what would have happened to the word hustle, the Series – Hustle and them hustlers aka Yahoo boys trying to milk a broke niccur out of his little savings.. *bros olu maintain I hail o*

If money was not the problem, we won’t have so many Nigerian girls in Italy… Only God knows what they are doing there? 😡

If money was not the problem, Babcock students won’t complain about Makinde doubling their fees. Your juniors in British Int’l Sec. Sch. pay more… Just hope you guys start eating meat sha… Tofu Benders.

If money was not the problem, Glee would have released their album… wonder why no artist has sued them yet…

If money was not the problem, you wouldn’t have so many jobs, a producer, song writer, musician, actor, footballer, comedian, engineer, pastor, DJ, Photographer, presenter, fashion designer, model, activist, Party organizer, Reporter … Only u?! Calm down 4 Jesus nahhh.. Multi-task yourself to death o

If money was not the problem, I wouldn’t be blogging about this… Yeah *in Darey’s voice* give us the money! Ba Ni Ki Di! I need money!!! Am not begging u ooo, before one binsh would say I begged her 4 BIS money now.

*plays Arab Money*

If money was not the problem, nobody would care if politicians stole money from government coffers, as long as we get the dividends of our tax..:|

If money was not the problem, probably those deprived northerners would know the importance of education… No direct insult at anyone, b4 I receive a bomb-letter.

If money was not the problem, AIDS won’t be either… I use your body, you get my money, and everyone goes home happy. No hard feelings… Or one nerd would have discovered the cure… *nerd* You never know..

If money was not the problem, you won’t be afraid of Screen Muncher..

If money was not the problem, Calabar people won’t eat dogs…

If money was not the problem, you won’t have to join Illuminati to be famous and rich…

If money was not the problem, you won’t take drinks through the back door at the club, Oniru or Elegushi just to feel among the ‘Poppers’…

If Money was not the problem, Mohammed would make the mountain come to him… ( My apologies , if you don’t find this funny)

If money was not the problem, you won’t be proud to put another man’s country logo in your bio. You are not even a 2nd class citizen there… Sowie if u think am hating, it’s the attitude twitter has washed on me… I hope they deport u, so u can be proud of your fatherland and stop all these brain drain (if you are that useful anyways)… You are needed here! *consulting the Aro Meta.. Ifa, Obatala and Irunmole near by*

If money was not the problem, we won’t know Aba…pirating even china products…that’s beyond degraded, fake, and subsidized shii..

If money was not the problem, @oluwaWanaBaba would probably not like moinmoin so much… 🙂

If money was not the problem, men won’t have to pay for their brides. Am almost certain it’s an Igbo man that 1st sold his daughter in the name of Bride Price… Biz fanatics!

If money was not the problem, you would careless about getting robbed…

If money was not the problem, we won’t have so many churches on every street and still have crime rates competing with Mount Everest

Wanted to be witty, doubt if I achieved that, hope I did not witter however? I kinda tried way too hard to create a good first impression… Not like your opinion really matters, but again if money was not the problem you won’t give a damn about my attitude… Ps: I am never cocky.3-|

Feel free to trend this… #IfMoneyWasNotTheProblem Where z @sirfizz to help with this??

Thanks for reading my 1st blog, hope I tried? Writing aint really my thing (except am in the exam hall tho), prefer calculations… 1+1 would always give you 2, except you are in love sha.. Nwaiz I hope you enjoyed it? Pls comment, rate this and reblog… thanks.

Take Note: 1 Timothy 6vs10; for the love of money is the root of all evil, which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows…

Courtesy of my junior Bro… If money was not the problem, you would never have a WISH! Adiós!!!

Special thanks to @Pulchae, @weluvmykel @call_me_folah, @OluwaWanababa @fozadoza @sirFIZZ

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